I’ve been an entrepreneur since I was a little kid. My first business was selling earrings that I made wit ha friend of mine and we sold them to our classmates even when it was forbidden to sell stuff in school. I sold coffee & tea, brownies, and donuts. In University, I sold hand-made jewels and hair pieces. It always felt like I had ideas that could be valuable for people.
I started my first official business in 2012 and whenI stepped out of it, I kept doing selling stuff to spiritual shops and growing my private practice as an Angel Therapist. When I moved to The Netherlands, I decided to start my online business, focus more on art and creativity and I’ve coached people for the past year or so helping them heal their emotional wounds and reclaim their creativity. I’ve been growing, learning and expanding my possibilities.
And then, one day, I was on my computer and I googled for job offers in English in the city where I live. I wasn’t expecting much. I scrolled through some offerings and then my eye was caught by one: Multi-Media Designer. To my surprise, the vacancy was in the same company where my boyfriend works! I checked their requirements and I ticked all the boxes. We talked about it and I decided to apply.
It felt incredibly exciting and full of possibilities and at the same time, intensely challenging. After all, I had built a part of my identity attached to the idea that I was an entrepreneur. And deep in my heart, the reason that moved me to work for myself was a deep need and desire for social interaction and connection. I thought I could build a community around my work, I envisioned the day where I would have a working place where people were enthusiastic about creating things, where I wouldn’t spend my days working on my own and where I felt part of something bigger.
But what if all those things that I had set myself to achieve, all those things that I wanted to experience, didn’t have to come through my own muscle power, but I could insert myself in a space where that was already created? Why did I need to be the one creating those conditions in the first place? Why was I making it so hard for myself? I can totally see it now. Clearly. This was another way of putting everything in the same big box.
After my first interview, I was asked to do a personality test that would give more insights on what motivated me and on my qualities and difficulties in the workspace and it was no surprise when I scored the highest level in need for social interaction and extroversion. That’s what I’ve been missing in my work. I’ve known it for a long time, but it was quite something to see it reflected back at me from the test results.
I went through the whole process and I got a job offer. I took it right away. It feels like the next right thing to do. It feels like it’s in my path to growing in this direction.
Now, am I failing at living the dream of being an entrepreneur? Nop. I’ll be one no matter what. I’m keeping my company aside and I’ll create from a different feeling space.
Am I going backward instead of forward? Nop. There’s no moving backward in life. I’ve never had the “office experience” because I’ve always thought that it’s not what I wanted, but how can I tell if I’ve never tried.
My boyfriend told me at one point during the process: –“You know, you can always make another choice in a year from now if you don’t feel like this is what you want.” And my answer to that was: –“But what if I really like it? What if this is what I’ve been wanting for so long and I was pushing to make it be the way I thought was best?”
Challenging your own identity is one of the most powerful things. It can be scary but it may as well be worthy.