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I’ve been an entrepreneur since I was a little kid. My first business was selling earrings that I made wit ha friend of mine and we sold them to our classmates even when it was forbidden to sell stuff in school. I sold coffee & tea, brownies, and donuts. In University, I sold hand-made jewels and hair pieces. It always felt like I had ideas that could be valuable for people.

 

I started my first official business in 2012 and whenI stepped out of it, I kept doing selling stuff to spiritual shops and growing my private practice as an Angel Therapist. When I moved to The Netherlands, I decided to start my online business, focus more on art and creativity and I’ve coached people for the past year or so helping them heal their emotional wounds and reclaim their creativity. I’ve been growing, learning and expanding my possibilities.

 

And then, one day, I was on my computer and I googled for job offers in English in the city where I live. I wasn’t expecting much. I scrolled through some offerings and then my eye was caught by one: Multi-Media Designer. To my surprise, the vacancy was in the same company where my boyfriend works! I checked their requirements and I ticked all the boxes. We talked about it and I decided to apply.

 

It felt incredibly exciting and full of possibilities and at the same time, intensely challenging. After all, I had built a part of my identity attached to the idea that I was an entrepreneur. And deep in my heart, the reason that moved me to work for myself was a deep need and desire for social interaction and connection. I thought I could build a community around my work, I envisioned the day where I would have a working place where people were enthusiastic about creating things, where I wouldn’t spend my days working on my own and where I felt part of something bigger.

 

But what if all those things that I had set myself to achieve, all those things that I wanted to experience, didn’t have to come through my own muscle power, but I could insert myself in a space where that was already created?  Why did I need to be the one creating those conditions in the first place? Why was I making it so hard for myself? I can totally see it now. Clearly. This was another way of putting everything in the same big box.

 

After my first interview, I was asked to do a personality test that would give more insights on what motivated me and on my qualities and difficulties in the workspace and it was no surprise when I scored the highest level in need for social interaction and extroversion. That’s what I’ve been missing in my work. I’ve known it for a long time, but it was quite something to see it reflected back at me from the test results.

 

I went through the whole process and I got a job offer. I took it right away. It feels like the next right thing to do. It feels like it’s in my path to growing in this direction.

 

Now, am I failing at living the dream of being an entrepreneur? Nop. I’ll be one no matter what. I’m keeping my company aside and I’ll create from a different feeling space.

 

Am I going backward instead of forward? Nop. There’s no moving backward in life. I’ve never had the “office experience” because I’ve always thought that it’s not what I wanted, but how can I tell if I’ve never tried.

 

My boyfriend told me at one point during the process: –“You know, you can always make another choice in a year from now if you don’t feel like this is what you want.” And my answer to that was: –“But what if I really like it? What if this is what I’ve been wanting for so long and I was pushing to make it be the way I thought was best?”

 

Challenging your own identity is one of the most powerful things. It can be scary but it may as well be worthy.

 

Big love,

 

Andrea.

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve always had more than what I could ask for. I’ve always been in a good financial situation. I’ve had money to study, to travel, to spare and share. I’ve never been a big spender, or a big saver either. I’ve never had big debts. My parents, my work, and my boyfriend have always been part of my support system.

 

But somehow, I felt this wash of guilt and panic when I suddenly spent more than I could in that moment. And I’m not talking about wild amounts. Anything like an extra €50 would make me feel angst and I would immediately start crying.

 

I’ve always wanted to make a lot of money. To have what I want to have and share with the people I love. I’ve worked hard for what I want. I’ve been doing what I know is bringing me to that place. After that massive revelation of having everything in the same box, and deciding to make a project for the sole purpose of making money, anxiety started creeping in every time I thought about it…

 

I couldn’t understand why. But the feeling was very present. All the other projects felt easy, but this one… agh, wasn’t.

 

So I decided to do what I do when I want to start something new and I don’t know anything about it: Learn from it. I had never read a book about money. I had never really wanted. I don’t like the over-masculine or the “think abundantly and the Universe will deliver to you” language around it. I wanted something loving, feminine, centered and clear. One day, I realized it had been under my nose all along: I’ve been following Kate Northrup for almost 6 years and she has a book called: “Money, a love story”. I had bought it years ago and never read it.

 

So I decided to give it a go. I got myself a journal and started reading.
To my surprise, the first exercise went already to the depths of it. I was asked to write my money story and how I felt about it. Confused was what came up. I felt really confused because I’ve always had it but at the same time it caused me guilt and panic. I sat wit hit. Wrote it down.

 

The next exercise was the game changer…

 

It asked me to breathe deep, close my eyes and ask myself about the first time I had a memory around money. And as if the memory was waiting to be invited, it came to my mind right way.

 

I was 11. I was in a bookstore and I had saved for weeks to be able to buy the Guinness World Record’s book. That edition was purple. With a psychedelic cover. Silver letters. I had seen it in the distance in school. I felt it was the coolest thing to have. Girls were gathered around the book owner to read and discover amazing things humans could do. I wanted to be that girl.

 

I asked the lady for the book and brought it to the cashier. My mom was already finished with what she was going to buy. The lady scared it and I passed my money. The glory was at my fingertips. Except for the fact that I didn’t have enough money. My mom, in a very passive- aggressive way pulled money out of her purse, paid for the rest and hurled me into the car. I don’t know what was happening in my mom’s life back then. She might have had a horrible day, or she was angry about something else, but in that moment, it all lashed out at me. She was screaming. Saying horrible things that were imprinted in my mind. I started crying and asking for forgiveness. We came back home and I went to my room. Cried for what felt like hours. I came out and the air between us was still heavy. It lifted gradually. No one talked about the incident anymore. She didn’t say a word and I thought it was better that way. The book… Was never as cool as I had envisioned. It was tinted with that pain. I never really enjoyed it.

 

When I opened my eyes, with tears running down my cheeks, suddenly it all made sense. Of course, I was confused. Of course, I felt guilty. Of course, I felt that panic. Of course, I always cried when conversations about money needed to happen.

 

The beginning of a healing journey with my money started.
I’m not as afraid of it anymore. And suddenly, my money project felt less intimidating. It felt doable and full of possibilities…

 

What’s your first memory with money?
How is that experience still running the show in your adult life?
How do you want your relationship with money to be like?

 

I invite you to come on this healing journey with me.

 

Big love,

 

Andrea.